Rejection

re·jec·tion  (r-jkshn)

n.

1. The act of rejecting or the state of being rejected.

2. Something rejected.

re·ject  (r-jkt)

tr.v. re·ject·ed, re·ject·ing, re·jects

1. To refuse to accept, submit to, believe, or make use of.

2. To refuse to consider or grant; deny.

3. To refuse to recognize or give affection to (a person).

4. To discard as defective or useless; throw away.

------

I'm sure everyone has been acquainted with rejection one time or another in their lives. Be it getting passed over a desired promotion, getting your hopes dashed by the one you are courting, getting turned down by the school or company you've been dreaming of joining, or simply being turned away for any reason at all.

I can say that sometimes, I feel that rejection must the loneliness' sister or twin. Rarely is one around without the other lurking in the shadows of one's mind. Though sometimes, we can also reject ourselves-that is, in the moment of ultimate solitude, we cast aside the only being that remains with us...and getting rejected in return.

What else can we say at rejection? It is hurtful, numbing even. It feels like a jagged glass knife, cutting one from his chosen path, sometimes even snipping the thread that connects him with others that can at the very least alleviate his pain. He is alienated to those feelings simply because he is too hurt-he won't reach out or move forward. The pain rejection lavishly offers can even seem to slow down time at the very moment you want it to speed up and take the pain away.

So one may think of rejecting the feeling, refusing its existence, obliterating it from conscious thought. He sometimes succeeds, albeit for a short while. But rejection's filthy caress will not be denied, her tendrils will seek him and choke him in her fetid embrace, dragging him down to depths strange and foul. These are the times that one is so hurt that he is on the verge of tears, but only just. Rejection rarely gives one that cleansing balm so readily.

So what else can be done? Simply let it flow and let it take one to those places unwanted, for lessons can be picked up from murk and dank. Or, if one can withstand it, force the flow to greater pressures, feeling the pain more intensely for a briefer time. If the eyes cannot convey the pain, let it flow from you some other way. A friend can always remedy the pain, though sometimes it may not seem that way. Believe in oneself. One is not made by a single rejection, as much as one is not made by a single triumph. Believe in a higher power, for those who can and will. Entrust it, and let go.

Reverse Entropy

NP: Fixing a Hole (The Beatles)
----
After more than a month or "renovating" our rooms, I finally got the chance to arrange all my stuff which has been hanging out on dusty drawers and cabinets for almost two weeks running. And cleaning stuff up is foreign to me and my room, being a guy that tosses his shirt in the general direction of the hamper, not really caring if it hits or misses.

So I cleaned up my room, to the tune of classical music no less ( I mean really, I downloaded a hundred or so files a few nights before). I realized that much of the gunk that I held on to, the ones that you keep just in case you add them, filled up the bin as soon as I lay my hands on them. lecture slides, registration forms, blue books, even the Ninty DS case that was hanging around my room for so long. I kicked out from my room the musty tomes that I have been bringing up when I'm hankering for something to read. What's left are some textbooks, some self-help books, my Arty Fowl hardbound, and a social commentary on the US fast food culture.

After all of those cleared up, I panicked at the sight of trinkets and small stuff scattered all over the place, with nowhere to go. Fortunately, my dad gave me a little basket to store those for the time being.

Well right after cleaning, I realized that my room was not the only place in my life that needed cleanup. The current list are as follows:

1. Something happened between me and bestfriend,and I don't know if I have completely processed it.
2. Same bestfriend and I fought on some matters, and I am getting real tired, real fast.
3. The call center lifestyle is taking a toll on my health , specifically and disturbingly, at my heart.
4. The masters class is proving to be a real charmer, demanding large chunks of time I do not have the liberty using.
5. Relationship with sibling is testy at best, and nonexistent at worst.
6. Same sibling maybe becoming delinquent, and may need assistance from an ex to sort it out.
7. Same ex still makes bestfriend's blood boil (need I point out that bestfriend's feelings aren't exactly platonic?)
8. Finances are in jeopardy as I turned over all of my pay to bestfriend so I can pay for my phone.

Phew, I didn't even realize that the list was that long. And I don't even know why I'm spilling my guts out tonight, telling my woes to probably complete strangers. Maybe, I just want to be listened to.

No matter, I need to sort it out soon enough.