I bumped my head last night. Hard.
I was on my way home from church, merrily taunting my sister about having to step her sorta-new Hav-a-nais-as in not-really-clean-road-looking-but-close-enough pathways when it hit me. Literally. And sometimes, Karma's a bitch that parks her kwek-kwek stands in places where my head should be.
I hit my head so hard that the Guy (yes, the capitalization is intentional, but more bout him in another post) behind me heard it and I cut my head. And no, I was not in pain - I was actually chuckling since it was my first time getting bonked so hard we need to stop at the pharmacist's.
For now, I'm back at work, sporting a colored band-aid in my skull to help the cracks in my skin to heal. But then, I realized that I should've gotten more bumps than this one, that the way I'm living my life is too...insulating. Yes, I'm settling down (in a unorthodox sort of way) but I feel that way too many things have been passed up int he name of comfort and complacency. I have stopped going to places, relishing new experiences, treading new roads.
Since they say that knowing the problem solves it half way, then what's next for me?
Showing posts with label slice of life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label slice of life. Show all posts
2.4.12
24.10.11
The Biggest Con
I can truly say that this is the worst period of my life (academically). A fourth flunk on a lab course withheld my graduation till Oct 2012, it also dismissed my from my department.
What a mess have I gotten myself into this time?
This would still be livable had it not been for my parent's firm belief that I have already graduated - and I do not have the heart to break the bitter truth. Had this been just a personal issue, I would've shrugged it off as a duck shrugs water, however, the rules changed when my mom uttered the phrase "matagal na naming inaasam-asam" (direct quote, just to emphasize the magnanimity of the situation). Thus, I shall find work, pay my taxes, and do what normal college graduates with a job are doing, while sending myself to school as well. As well as minimizing any evidence of such in front of my parents.
Complicated enough, yes? Now let us add another factor into this little mix: as a fellow breadwinner by that time, I will foot part of the bill for both my sister's debut and my parents' silver. These two events are less than three months apart. From now until the time comes, I must raise enough money for these two momentous events in my family's history as well as do everything in the previous paragraph.
So begins the biggest, year-long con I hope to implement.
Sacrilegious it must be, but may the Lord help me with this endeavor.
What a mess have I gotten myself into this time?
This would still be livable had it not been for my parent's firm belief that I have already graduated - and I do not have the heart to break the bitter truth. Had this been just a personal issue, I would've shrugged it off as a duck shrugs water, however, the rules changed when my mom uttered the phrase "matagal na naming inaasam-asam" (direct quote, just to emphasize the magnanimity of the situation). Thus, I shall find work, pay my taxes, and do what normal college graduates with a job are doing, while sending myself to school as well. As well as minimizing any evidence of such in front of my parents.
Complicated enough, yes? Now let us add another factor into this little mix: as a fellow breadwinner by that time, I will foot part of the bill for both my sister's debut and my parents' silver. These two events are less than three months apart. From now until the time comes, I must raise enough money for these two momentous events in my family's history as well as do everything in the previous paragraph.
So begins the biggest, year-long con I hope to implement.
Sacrilegious it must be, but may the Lord help me with this endeavor.
16.7.11
Reverse Entropy
NP: Fixing a Hole (The Beatles)
----
After more than a month or "renovating" our rooms, I finally got the chance to arrange all my stuff which has been hanging out on dusty drawers and cabinets for almost two weeks running. And cleaning stuff up is foreign to me and my room, being a guy that tosses his shirt in the general direction of the hamper, not really caring if it hits or misses.
So I cleaned up my room, to the tune of classical music no less ( I mean really, I downloaded a hundred or so files a few nights before). I realized that much of the gunk that I held on to, the ones that you keep just in case you add them, filled up the bin as soon as I lay my hands on them. lecture slides, registration forms, blue books, even the Ninty DS case that was hanging around my room for so long. I kicked out from my room the musty tomes that I have been bringing up when I'm hankering for something to read. What's left are some textbooks, some self-help books, my Arty Fowl hardbound, and a social commentary on the US fast food culture.
After all of those cleared up, I panicked at the sight of trinkets and small stuff scattered all over the place, with nowhere to go. Fortunately, my dad gave me a little basket to store those for the time being.
Well right after cleaning, I realized that my room was not the only place in my life that needed cleanup. The current list are as follows:
----
After more than a month or "renovating" our rooms, I finally got the chance to arrange all my stuff which has been hanging out on dusty drawers and cabinets for almost two weeks running. And cleaning stuff up is foreign to me and my room, being a guy that tosses his shirt in the general direction of the hamper, not really caring if it hits or misses.
So I cleaned up my room, to the tune of classical music no less ( I mean really, I downloaded a hundred or so files a few nights before). I realized that much of the gunk that I held on to, the ones that you keep just in case you add them, filled up the bin as soon as I lay my hands on them. lecture slides, registration forms, blue books, even the Ninty DS case that was hanging around my room for so long. I kicked out from my room the musty tomes that I have been bringing up when I'm hankering for something to read. What's left are some textbooks, some self-help books, my Arty Fowl hardbound, and a social commentary on the US fast food culture.
After all of those cleared up, I panicked at the sight of trinkets and small stuff scattered all over the place, with nowhere to go. Fortunately, my dad gave me a little basket to store those for the time being.
Well right after cleaning, I realized that my room was not the only place in my life that needed cleanup. The current list are as follows:
- Something happened between me and bestfriend,and I don't know if I have completely processed it.
- Same bestfriend and I fought on some matters, and I am getting real tired, real fast.
- The call center lifestyle is taking a toll on my health , specifically and disturbingly, at my heart.
- The masters class is proving to be a real charmer, demanding large chunks of time I do not have the liberty using.
- Relationship with sibling is testy at best, and nonexistent at worst.
- Same sibling maybe becoming delinquent, and may need assistance from an ex to sort it out.
- Same ex still makes bestfriend's blood boil (need I point out that bestfriend's feelings aren't exactly platonic?)
- Finances are in jeopardy as I turned over all of my pay to bestfriend so I can pay for my phone.
No matter, I need to sort it out soon enough.
3.6.11
SIx Weeks After
It had been six weeks after I swallowed my words and decided to try out the call center industry, I have finished my training and now in probie status. However, ramdam ko na yung toll ng trabahong to sakin, physically,emotionally, socially.
Sabi nga ng mga taong nakakilala sakin, matakaw ako sa tulog kahit naman di kailangan ng katawan ko. Dahil sa pagshift ng pasok ko from 7am, to 8, to 3pm, 10, 11, at finally shifting ng ilang minuto per day, nagmamakaawa lagi ang katawan ko sa tulog. It doesnt help na 6pm palang gising nako kaya wala nako energy right after work. Dagdag mo pa na napapadalas ang kain sa labas kaya nadagdagan ng timbang.
Alam ko na yung sunod na reaction, "Bakit di ka mag gym? May pera ka naman." Well I wanted to, kaya lang sadyang nagbabanggaan ang gusto ko a gusto ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Let's take that damn gym as an example. Supposedly, inenroll ako sa Gold's ng bestfriend ko without my knowledge. Okay lang naman, pinalagpas ko na kasi nagplaplano rin naman ako mag enroll(pero sa chipipay lang, bleh. Mahirap na baka di mamaintain ang bayad) Kaso lang, bigla ding binawi dahil napagusapan nila ng mom ko, again without my consent and/or knowledge. Wow, walang muwang at kaalam-alam sa mundo? Nakakabwisit lang na imbes na subukan ko at ako ang makaalam kung kaya ko o hindi first-hand, eh nagdesisyon agad sila para sakin. Kesyo daw malayo o di ko kakayanin o papasok pako this June, blah blah blah blah blah.
Another thing would be about my pay. Grabe naman, nag-aaral pako pwede wag muna ako amgshoulder ng hindi personal expenses? Di naman ako angdadamot eh, wag niyo lang subukan na kayo magbudget ng sarili kong pera. Langhya parang dapat lagi akong may "other people fund" pag sweldo sa dalas ngt anong ninyo kung may pera pa ako at mga pagpaparamdam na baka maghiram kayo. Amp. Dalawang sweldo paang dumadaan ng lagay na yan.
Mmmm napapasobra na yata rants ko. Ewan wala na kasi akong nakikitang tao maliban sa coworkers ko at pamilya ko. Napakalimited ng lakad ko, mainly due to my propensity to sleep. I feel cut off from the rest, and my wings are getting clipped by the people whom I care for so much. Nakakapagod, minsan namimiss ko yung times na marami akong acquaintance at nakakausap. Ngayon kahit text wala na, wala na kasi ako oras.
I sorely wish for school start to roll, even if I know it will wreck every adjustment that happened before.
Sabi nga ng mga taong nakakilala sakin, matakaw ako sa tulog kahit naman di kailangan ng katawan ko. Dahil sa pagshift ng pasok ko from 7am, to 8, to 3pm, 10, 11, at finally shifting ng ilang minuto per day, nagmamakaawa lagi ang katawan ko sa tulog. It doesnt help na 6pm palang gising nako kaya wala nako energy right after work. Dagdag mo pa na napapadalas ang kain sa labas kaya nadagdagan ng timbang.
Alam ko na yung sunod na reaction, "Bakit di ka mag gym? May pera ka naman." Well I wanted to, kaya lang sadyang nagbabanggaan ang gusto ko a gusto ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Let's take that damn gym as an example. Supposedly, inenroll ako sa Gold's ng bestfriend ko without my knowledge. Okay lang naman, pinalagpas ko na kasi nagplaplano rin naman ako mag enroll(pero sa chipipay lang, bleh. Mahirap na baka di mamaintain ang bayad) Kaso lang, bigla ding binawi dahil napagusapan nila ng mom ko, again without my consent and/or knowledge. Wow, walang muwang at kaalam-alam sa mundo? Nakakabwisit lang na imbes na subukan ko at ako ang makaalam kung kaya ko o hindi first-hand, eh nagdesisyon agad sila para sakin. Kesyo daw malayo o di ko kakayanin o papasok pako this June, blah blah blah blah blah.
Another thing would be about my pay. Grabe naman, nag-aaral pako pwede wag muna ako amgshoulder ng hindi personal expenses? Di naman ako angdadamot eh, wag niyo lang subukan na kayo magbudget ng sarili kong pera. Langhya parang dapat lagi akong may "other people fund" pag sweldo sa dalas ngt anong ninyo kung may pera pa ako at mga pagpaparamdam na baka maghiram kayo. Amp. Dalawang sweldo paang dumadaan ng lagay na yan.
Mmmm napapasobra na yata rants ko. Ewan wala na kasi akong nakikitang tao maliban sa coworkers ko at pamilya ko. Napakalimited ng lakad ko, mainly due to my propensity to sleep. I feel cut off from the rest, and my wings are getting clipped by the people whom I care for so much. Nakakapagod, minsan namimiss ko yung times na marami akong acquaintance at nakakausap. Ngayon kahit text wala na, wala na kasi ako oras.
I sorely wish for school start to roll, even if I know it will wreck every adjustment that happened before.
21.4.11
Divine Intervention
And in that moment, all angst melted. Just in time for Holy Week.
---
Maundy Thursday. Almost two weeks ago, I was asked to tell my father that he is to be one of the twelve 'apostles' in tonights washing of the feet in mass. What I didn't know was that each apostle is to bring another person to join them (guess who). That left me scrambling for a quick shower to get to church asap.
Fast forward to the mass -- homily to be exact. The priest's talk revolved around the mandate (hence, Maundy) that Christ left us, which is to love each other. I was struck when he talked about how we should love one another, and not only look out for ourselves. I was rebuked by the Lord no less. I examined my Lent this year and found only conceit and narrow-mindedness, repressed anger and wounded pride. I almost cried from the way I acted towards others and the chances that I had missed to create new memories with the people I cherish. And in that moment, all angst melted. Just in time for Holy Week.
Now as if that wasn't enough, I got another lesson. Remember the washing of the feet thingy? Well the companions of the apostles were supposed to get their feet cleaned (ritualistically) as well. The apostles were supposed to do that after their feet had been cleaned by the priest. Looking at what's happening to the apostles before me, I saw the usual: a bit of water, some soap, little rinsing, a dab of a towel.
Lol if that was all it was.
When it was my father's turn to wash my feet (well, foot. Ritualistic remember?), he showed me there was a tiny bit of detail that I didn't see.
He kissed my foot.
Knowing that he will kiss the foot of his companion, my father chose me. Not my mom, not my sister, not my brother. Me.
The twin of the divine slap just came, and I am grateful for the experience it brought.
I'm more than grateful to my father, feeling the love and respect that he has towards me.
And know I feel like crying. Happily.
16.4.11
Counselling 1 of 2
I didn't even realize that all this shit happened and I didn't get to post a peep. Friday, Saturday, Sunday: Emotional Roller Coaster Deluxe.
Let's start with Friday. Last Friday, I'm prepping to go to QC to get my training schedule. That left most of my morning (I'm forcing myself to sleep less) for surf, relax and lounge around. When I opened my browsers for my usual social networks (FB, PR, etc), my best friend went downstairs to the living room (best friend lost his keys last Tuesday, so he's rooming with us while his landlady's on vacation) and chatted with me. I stood up to take a shower, shutting down my laptop as well as all the browsers. So my best friend saw the other window that I used when I surf PR.
Bad decision.
I felt the change in atmosphere almost immediately, and the gaze that he gave to me has hardened substantially. I know that he knows about my PR and I thought he was okay with it (best friend wants to level it up, if you catch my drift), but noooooooooooooooooo, I'm in for a full bitch moment.
I went up to my room to nudge best friend cause we need to go by 11am to get to get there at the appointed time, 12. And I see him in my bed, sulking and saying "Mauna ka na, di na ako sasama". He even tried to hurt himself (reminds me of my ex, leche) and I ended up trying to pacify him, forcing us to leave the house past 1230. I was forced to cancel a meet up with a friend just to calm him down. Crap.
So we went there, very civil-like, and I went on with what I needed to do, i.e.: Explain why am I getting my schedule two hours after the prescribed time and pass some requirements. Around this time, another friend was badgering me on my whereabouts, since I asked him to meet me as well. I told him best friend was outside so he can go with him in the meantime. When I got to get out of the building, they were talking about something serious -- I can see it from the way they huddle suspiciously and stop when they saw me.
To cut things short, the told me that I'm hurting people (Read: best friend) because of two things: 1) My PR account and 2) My texting. So they asked me to delete my PR account, which was okay with me -- it's getting harder to find people that will just chat with you nowadays. After that, the three of us spent a normal afternoon malling and going places (with another spectacular green-eye moment) then my best friend left for work.
Now that there are only the two of us, I can rant everything, including the fact that I had a good case of BV when my friend and his boyfriend started pushing my best friend to take it to the next level. Another thing was that my best friend was acting like we're a couple, making demands well above and beyond the "best friend" designation. This is doubly unsettling since my best friend and my recent ex have uncannily similar personalities, so I felt that I didn't really end the relationship: the pressure's still there.The two of us had a long talk about it (and other stuff) and he apologized for the aforementioned intrusion.
So we both went home, with me thinking that the worst has come to pass.
Yeah right.
Let's start with Friday. Last Friday, I'm prepping to go to QC to get my training schedule. That left most of my morning (I'm forcing myself to sleep less) for surf, relax and lounge around. When I opened my browsers for my usual social networks (FB, PR, etc), my best friend went downstairs to the living room (best friend lost his keys last Tuesday, so he's rooming with us while his landlady's on vacation) and chatted with me. I stood up to take a shower, shutting down my laptop as well as all the browsers. So my best friend saw the other window that I used when I surf PR.
Bad decision.
I felt the change in atmosphere almost immediately, and the gaze that he gave to me has hardened substantially. I know that he knows about my PR and I thought he was okay with it (best friend wants to level it up, if you catch my drift), but noooooooooooooooooo, I'm in for a full bitch moment.
I went up to my room to nudge best friend cause we need to go by 11am to get to get there at the appointed time, 12. And I see him in my bed, sulking and saying "Mauna ka na, di na ako sasama". He even tried to hurt himself (reminds me of my ex, leche) and I ended up trying to pacify him, forcing us to leave the house past 1230. I was forced to cancel a meet up with a friend just to calm him down. Crap.
So we went there, very civil-like, and I went on with what I needed to do, i.e.: Explain why am I getting my schedule two hours after the prescribed time and pass some requirements. Around this time, another friend was badgering me on my whereabouts, since I asked him to meet me as well. I told him best friend was outside so he can go with him in the meantime. When I got to get out of the building, they were talking about something serious -- I can see it from the way they huddle suspiciously and stop when they saw me.
To cut things short, the told me that I'm hurting people (Read: best friend) because of two things: 1) My PR account and 2) My texting. So they asked me to delete my PR account, which was okay with me -- it's getting harder to find people that will just chat with you nowadays. After that, the three of us spent a normal afternoon malling and going places (with another spectacular green-eye moment) then my best friend left for work.
Now that there are only the two of us, I can rant everything, including the fact that I had a good case of BV when my friend and his boyfriend started pushing my best friend to take it to the next level. Another thing was that my best friend was acting like we're a couple, making demands well above and beyond the "best friend" designation. This is doubly unsettling since my best friend and my recent ex have uncannily similar personalities, so I felt that I didn't really end the relationship: the pressure's still there.The two of us had a long talk about it (and other stuff) and he apologized for the aforementioned intrusion.
So we both went home, with me thinking that the worst has come to pass.
Yeah right.
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