On Exes

It's really a strange set of people to interact with, exes. Like one of my HS friends said, even if the ugly has faded into the background and your regard each other as friends, there is always that something when you're in each other's company. A shadow of the flame. Or a vestige of what one was. Or that lilting feeling when you traipse around shared times, places and experiences.

I've always kept some form of communication with past loves, striving to recover the friendship that would be inevitably tarnished after a breakup (So far, I've been moderately successful). But this most recent meetup with the most recent ex was a bit jarring. What was supposed to be a request for a companion evolved into a day-long date of sorts. The pain that it exudes is quite exquisite: mix the pang of isolation with the joy of familiarity, sprinkled with affection and with a generously helping of treks down memory lane. To see a friend, turned into a lover, but not quite yet reverted back to a friend.

I know that this feeling that I have is not exactly romantic love, not is it platonic. This is the sum total of all that has happened between us, of something special that has been let go but remains with us still. And I have to admit that what we had was special, though I never wanted to partake of it again.

I must recognize this fact, and learn from it, and to keep what can be kept.

Intramoment

Sa maituturing kong unang gala after ng breakup, sumama ako sa friend kong magpunta ng school nia para magayos ng clearance. Mga 2pm kami nakarating eh sabi 5pm pa daw pwede kaya nag SM Manila muna kami. Partida, heto yung unang moment in years na nakagala ulit ako sa walls ng Intramuros, habang nagdadaldalan kami at nagcacatchup (di kasi kami nagkita for around 5 months). Pagdating ng SM, dada at lakad lang kami, konting psych session bout sa takot inability niyang makapagcommit ng matagal. DI namin narealize na 1.5 hours na pala kmai naglalakad (saya kasi). Kaya naupos sa may cinema at nagdaldalan ulit. Natuwa naman si friend kasi mas may nakausap daw siya ng ganun (kasi daw sa section nila apat lang silang di virgin, huwaaat?!graduating class ito mind)

Nung nagutom, derechong greenwich. Isa lang napansin namin, kasapi ang mga servers sa samahan! Hahaha hinuhuli nga ngamin ng tingin yung isa kasi cute, ngiti lang sinasagot (makakain ng sa greenwich ng madalas hahahaha). Tapos balik school niya para dun sa clearance.

Pagdating sa office, hay lahat ng nandun eh kung hindi may tendency, eh bali ka. Buti nalang cute yung members ng student council. Eh gago tong kasama ko itinutulak akong kilalanin sila kuya council, natorpe ako! Hahahahaha

Owell baka bumalik naman kami dun, sana sakto sa training sked ko. Gusto ko ulit matry ang swerte. Hohoho